Biblical mandate
Two specific words are used by Apostle Paul to describe the training process of a child, “discipline and instruction.” The word for discipline is paeidia, from which we get the word encyclopedia, which was referred to in Paul’s day as the general upbringing attained by discipline. The word for instruction literally means “to place in mind,” which means teaching them how to think or attain a frame of mind. Training in the scriptural sense is an educational activity that changes the way a person lives. It does not mean only knowledge or mental understanding, but training to act in a certain way. It also means that parents bear the responsibility for the way their children turn out.
In the Bible, parents were expected to raise the children to become mature adult Christian men and women. Parents are not to just provide children with ideas, and let them choose what to do with those ideas. They’re to to mold and form their children into a godly generation. Christian parents, through training (discipline and instruction), must ensure that they orient and calibrate their kids’ minds towards the Scriptures.
Parents have the greatest task of all entrusted to them – to raise their children in a way that they become familiar and skilled in the principles of living given in the Bible. Children must be trained to know, understand, and live according to the patterns of godly living, given and illustrated in the Word of God.
Scenario today
Parents today usually turn children over to schools and other social institutions for the bulk of their formation and training. Most Christian parents assume that by sending their children to Sunday School once a week that they’re training their children as per the biblical command and that they have done their job. Nothing could be more erroneous or misleading than that outlook. Schooling refers to the process of attending school and learning the body of knowledge taught in a curriculum. There is only so much that a school or schooling can do for a child, especially since schools, be they academic or religious, cannot really give individual attention to each child. Moreover, they’re constrained and limited by space and time from doing much, even if they want to!
Schooling, whether it is biblical or academic, needs to be bolstered and augmented by teaching and training at home. That’s why normal schools give out homework and assignments as well as tests. Without backend support for what was taught or learnt in school, learning and growing cannot happen. Sunday schools, children meetings, and camp outings are only there to reinforce and reiterate the biblical principles that have been already taught and modelled at home.
If so, what should parents do to train their children as per the Scriptures?
Parenting responsibility
To train your child means to form them into responsible and mature citizens of the Kingdom of God, and productive law-abiding citizens of this world and age. This is a huge task and needs thoughtful and creative planning, as well as commitment and constancy. It means your focus and concentration must be 100% on raising your children.
Here are pointers on how to help you train your child:
Model the Word in your life
The Word of God is abstract and objective, not concrete or subjective. Its up to parents to live out the Word so that children see it as being practical. The Word must become flesh and be modelled before them so that they understand its nuances in practical terms. Children need to see the ways of God practically lived out in their parents’ lives – in what they speak about, on what they think about, and how they implement the principles of God in their day-to-day actions.
Children are realists and can quickly detect if your words and your actions do not coincide. They are most impressed and ready to obey, even though reluctantly, when your behavior backs up your word. For eg. If you worship well in church and listen to the preaching attentively, your conversation on your drive or walk back home will impact your children more than your demeanor or attitude in the Sunday service. If at dinner table, you decry your leaders or gossip about others or even comment on someone’s clothes, chances are your children will also develop negative attitudes towards church. Children learn, not so much from what they hear, but from what they see!
Be rooted and grounded in the Scriptures
You cannot teach and train your children in the ways of God without mastering the scriptures and learning every portion of the Word. If you don’t know the way, the truth, and life, how can you teach your kids? Spend time being saturated and soaked in the Word of God, and learn to rightly interpret Scriptures so that you can explain it clearly to your kids. If you’re not at least a few steps ahead of your children in knowing the Word, you will be caught off guard when they ask you questions about spiritual truths. Do not be afraid to admit you lack sufficient knowledge when they ask tough questions, but assure them that you will answer their queries after doing some study or research.
Be thorough especially in the book of Proverbs, and be quite proficient in this handling this book since in it is guidance for normal everyday life. It is never too late for us to study or memorize the Word, and so, go the extra mile in learning from the Word. Invest in some study aids such as concordance, commentaries, word studies, dictionaries, etc., so that you may develop acumen in the Word.
Do not neglect to be part of your church’s study program or teaching times or trainings, since these will equip you with right content to store up for to reply to your kids. Let your children see you drawing your life lessons and life patterns from scripture, and point them to God and His Word every time.
Adopt a disciplined lifestyle
“Disciple” and “discipline” are related words, both stemming from the Latin “discipulus” meaning “student” or “follower.” A disciple is a learner and follower, often in a spiritual or philosophical context, while discipline refers to the practice of training oneself to follow rules and achieve goals through self-control. Being a disciple often requires discipline, as it involves learning and adhering to specific principles and practices. As followers and disciples of Christ, we need to be disciplined and not indisciplined in our daily habits. Be it our daily Bible reading and meditation, prayer time, small group or church gathering times, we must lead the way.
In our food habits, in our phone use, in the time we spend before our laptops, in our entertainment modes, in our dress sense, in the way we treat others, etc., we need to be orderly and in order. If you tend to avoid greens and vegetables in your food, not drink enough water, not exercise enough, but are indulging yourself, you cannot command your children in these areas. If you are not using or handling money well, if you live in debt or have the habit of borrowing, if you’re not regular and on time to work, you cannot demand your children to obey you in the aspects of their school or home work. If you develop road rage, neglect home chores, treat others kindly, honor your elders and others in authority, you cannot teach and lead your children in these areas.
Parents as leaders in the home must command respect from their children by their lifestyle and life habits.
Learn to use the rod of correction
Parents must disciple their children through authoritative teaching and instruction that have consequences when they disobey or will not obey. Today’s children are being raised with a soft mind through pampering and indulgence, resulting in lack of backbone or stamina to face hard times or circumstances. Children are called olive shoots in the Bible, meaning young green plants, and not trees. Young plants have the flexibility and resilience to bend with the wind, and spring back to place when the pressure is removed. It is a fallacy to think that children need to be handled with kid gloves, or that we shouldn’t be strict with them. If they are spared the rod at home by loving parents, life will wield it on them outside the home by others who will not be gentle or have compassion. It isn’t without reason that the Bible tells us to bear the yoke in the youth when it will be easier to do so than when grown.
The rod of correction need not be a literal stick or any physical abuse or other instruments. Appropriate good and necessary habits themselves will act as a rod of discipline. For eg: Children are taught to sleep and wake up on time, brush teeth, bathe, and other habits of hygiene. Children must learn to get ready and go to school on time, do homework and household chores relevant to each age, adhere to specific study and play times. These and other good habits, such as reading the Bible, attending family prayer, helping care fir pets and plants etc., all become a way of training a child. Ensuring right conduct at home, teaching to respect elders and others, learning to treat other children well, knowing to share and be concerned about the poor, correct manner in God’s house and in prayer, etc., are instruments of correction and training.
Such life skills need to be insisted upon, and no tantrums or rages tolerated. Then, within 5 years,the child can be rightly and properly molded. After that, all we have to do in keep them moving on the path already laid out. These habits themselves thus become the disciplining tools to form the child to adjust and fit into society.
Reinforce learned habits with love
Once this training is imparted, the rest of the years till they reach teenage years, all you need to do is simply just reinforce the learned lifestyle. Helping them to follow certain standards of attitude and behavior, adopting and being guided by proper values, connecting them with right people and friends, are all instrumental in raising a child.
For sure there will be faults and defaults to correct as they grow, but once a path is set and a framework given, it will be less stressful as time goes on. During teen years you may face negative attitudes and ways, but they will out grow these since its a temporary lapse or phase. When children are left without guardrails or not given limits, they will grow wild and become unmanageable as years go on.
Plants need a proper support system such as good nutrients and watering, pruning and trimming, weeding and fertilizing, and fencing or protective covering to survive and yield good harvest. Why is it that when it comes to children, the most delicate of all creation, parents are being penalized when they give boundaries or set limits!
Yes, parents need to balance gentleness with firmness, love with strictness, and compassion with correction. Otherwise, we will be failing in the most sacred trust given to us by the Lord God Himself!
Relate to the community of faith
African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child, means you need a community around you to help you raise a child. This is even more needed when you’re intent on raising a godly generation. You need the community of faith to back up your teaching at home. Being part of church gatherings and small group times is essential for your children to be saturated with the principles of the Word.
During teen years, children will not heed parents but gravitate towards peers. At this time if you have built relationships with elders, and youngsters in the Body of Christ, you can get their help. Kids will listen to others better than to parents. When others who share the same Biblical values and outlook as you, they will able to strength your child in the pursuit of God. When you’re surrounded by wise counsel and counsellors, you will also grow in faith.
Open your home and family to entertaining others in the Body of Christ. Let your children see you be part of and participating in small group learning. Teach your children hospitality by inviting others home, and inculcate generosity as well as mission focus by contributing to outreach. Take them aling with you on mission trips, and never miss the gathering of the saints. These will provide a strong and alternate society to the outside world.
Spend time on your knees
In Ephesians 6:10 we’re told to stand, after having done all. Taking a stand in the spirit involves battling the forces of darkness on our knees. The saying More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of is absolutely true. You need to spend time with God to be able to be proactive and not reactive with your kids. You need to know to speak a word in season, and only saturating yourself with His presence will help.
You also need the extra strength and stamina to be firm but gentle, steadfast but compassionate, standing your ground but knowing to yield. You need wisdom to know when to use the rod and when to use comfort. The more you give time to the Lord and soak yourself in His Word, the more you will fear God and want live by His ways. The more your children see this in you, the more they will respect and obey you.
We also need to fight against the principalities and powers of darkness to secure our children from outside influences. Living in a world philosophy that’s contrary to the teachings of Christ, we will have to wage spiritual warfare in the battle for their mind. We need to counterinfluence the daily barrage of ideas, images and thoughts that attack them. At no time can we give up on them just like the father in the story of the prodigal son, but constantly cover them in prayer.
Trust in the Lord
Above all, rest in the Lord and trust Him to do beyond what you can think or imagine or even envisage. When your goals are godly, when your aspirations are on His call, when your agenda is in tune with His ways, when you delight yourself in Him and seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, all will be done by Him. We need to learn the art of trusting in Him, even when circumstances are otherwise, our children are rebellious. If we don’t know to rest in Him, we will become stressed with the troubles of life, and even lose our health.
The Lord is close to us, will give us strength, and will uphold us when we seek to live by His precepts and commandments. When we delight in Him, He takes delight in honoring us with His presence and His gifts. No weapon formed against will prosper, nor can any evil doers harm us, and He will work everything out for the good of our children.
May we always seek to live a life pleasing to Him, and raise our children to carry on His name and do His will, participating in His plans to bring heaven on earth through His Kingdom!
MULLINGSPICE 